Member-only story

Do I Have to Define My Sexuality?

What I’ve always thought was openness might just be a defense mechanism, or a cop-out.

Taru Anniina Liikanen
6 min readNov 8, 2021
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

I think I was 13 when I told my mom, half-jokingly as a way to test the waters, that I might someday end up being with women. She didn’t love it.

“It’s just that I’m worried you’re going to have a much harder life than you need to,” she said. I think we both knew she just didn’t want me to be gay.

I didn’t show it to her then, but I was disappointed. My mom, in everything else, is the best. She’s always been incredibly supportive of everything I do, super proud of every little thing. But with this, she was telling me she didn’t like something I potentially was.

When I was a little older, the conversation of gay marriage came up, and I was even more surprised to find out she was against it.

“I just don’t know what that might do with the adoption issue, if it will be easier for same-sex couples o adopt when they’re married, and I don’t feel comfortable with it.”

My jaw dropped. I couldn’t understand how it could be wrong for a same-sex couple to adopt, or that gay marriage could ever be an issue. (At this point, I still didn’t know she also votes conservative, which was the real shocker.) But that's when I realized…

--

--

Taru Anniina Liikanen
Taru Anniina Liikanen

Written by Taru Anniina Liikanen

Stand-up comedian and recovering political ghostwriter. Finnish by birth, porteña at heart. Bad jokes frequent.

No responses yet