I Never Knew My Father Was an Alcoholic

After my father’s passing, I’ve been forced to confront his trauma — and my own.

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My parents got divorced when I was 6. I never felt traumatized by it, only by the teachers and other understanding adults who tried to offer my broken family as an explanation to my behavioral problems.

I thought my family was far from broken. I’ve always been close with my mother and two sisters, and when I was growing up I saw my father as a temperamental but lovable character. He was very emotional, almost like a child sometimes. He would cry when talking about his love for my mother, and get angry fits when something minuscule didn’t go his way. Far from jaded or weary of the world, in his good moments he was a hugger, a person full of love who liked to show it to people.

But he was a tough person to be around. If my sisters and I didn’t answer the phone, he would keep calling everyone else in the family until he was able to tell at least one of us what lousy children we were. He would forget about his anger five minutes later, and we would never take it seriously. I would never have called him abusive. He used to joke a lot, and he was a fun, charismatic person, the life of the party.

“My father is a difficult person,” I always thought, and most people who knew…