I’m Caring for Your Cannabis on Christmas — Am I Your Girlfriend Now?

I wouldn’t take care of your kids if not.

Photo by Jeff W on Unsplash

“Now I am become Death, destroyer of worlds.” -Robert Oppenheimer

No, seriously, I’m a plant killer of nuclear proportions.

I’m good at keeping animals alive, but anything that uses photosynthesis normally survives for about 7 days in my apartment.

It doesn't matter what kind of plant it is, I’m a guaranteed success.

I’ve been known to kill flowers by never watering them, or drowning out aloe veras and cacti. This should be impossible, but it’s not. I find the plant’s weak spot and attack it with precision, albeit unconsciously.

I have no explanation as to how I am this good at it, I just know I have a Midas touch that will kill any living thing on sight.

But this Christmas, I’m forced to make an effort. Because of a man.

I’m okay without commitment… But here’s the catch

Relationships are kind of funny. Sometimes, you’re both in the situation where you want commitment right away, and you get your I love yous out of the way in a matter of weeks.