My Vagina is Super Smart

She really knows better than I do.

Taru Anniina Liikanen

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Photo by Evie S. on Unsplash

A couple of days ago, I read a great story about how women should use our periods as a superpower. Our menstrual health says so much about our general health, so being in tune with the changes in our periods can help us detect any underlying problems.

I loved it, because I’ve always felt this on some level, as I’m sure many of us have. My body is really smart, and I know when it’s trying to tell me something. An ex-boyfriend of mine always laughed at this, at how I claimed I was in tune with my body, but it’s true. Periods are an incredibly important indicator of overall health.

Surprisingly, though, it’s not just about periods.

It’s my vagina, whom I call Viviana. (There’s a story behind this name, but it’s only funny if you live in Argentina.)

When I’m with the wrong man, Viviana can tell. She’s a really good friend, so she doesn’t tell me the guy is wrong immediately. She lets me have my fun first.

But she will get irritated afterwards, showing her displeasure. There’s a change in colors, smells, everything. And I use condoms, but the wrong man will still come in and destroy the bacterial balance there.

A new guy from Tinder I’m not really sure about? Itching for three days. No need to repeat that, thank you. We’re just not compatible.

Amazingly, she’s always been right.

When I’m with someone who’s good for me, Viviana is the best wingwoman. She’s happy when I’m happy and emotionally balanced. There’s never a yeast infection in sight. Just a healthy, happy vagina.

How about periods? Well, they’re also affected, of course. My ovaries are also smarter than I am.

I had eating disorders growing up, and they left me with incredibly unreliable periods. Whenever I’m sick or change my diet significantly, my periods will get less frequent. When I went vegan, the first couple of months were irregular, but I soon recovered regularity.

Then I had a bad relationship with a married man. There was something in him that threw my entire body off. For an entire year, my periods were completely irregular. There was more than one pregnancy scare, and only because…

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Taru Anniina Liikanen

Stand-up comedian and recovering political ghostwriter. Finnish by birth, porteña at heart. Bad jokes frequent.