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You Guys Are Fucking Swedish, Man
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Up in the Northern end of Europe, Swedes are the neighbors we all love to hate. They’re everybody’s rival.
Nobody’s bothered by the Danish, and they’re almost Southern Europe to us anyway. Norwegians are just lovable. They have everything, but they don’t make a big deal out of it, or pretend they’re better.
Us Finns, everybody thinks we’re just the drunken morons living in the woods. I can’t even argue with this stereotype, as I love drinking and hiding in the bushes.
And then there’s Sweden.
Those Goddamn Swedes
Swedes have long been ahead of us in so many things. They’re infinitely better at football than Finland. We only started occasionally beating them in ice hockey in the ’90s, but they still regularly kick our butts.
In the Eurovision Song Contest (a big deal in Europe) they had ABBA, the feel-good band responsible for dozens of hits and a Meryl Streep movie (and another bad movie without Streep, but we can forget about that one). We lost, for decades, until we came up with the only thing Finns can do: hard rock and monster masks.
I mean, Swedes are prettier than us, too, so maybe us Finns just needed to hide our faces.
